tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-12427312.post6951372322623732449..comments2023-08-11T07:34:06.909-04:00Comments on Randomly Placed: The Need for MarriageAsmaahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12799829085959558569noreply@blogger.comBlogger18125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-12427312.post-16376991642029293372008-10-24T16:06:00.000-04:002008-10-24T16:06:00.000-04:00Perhaps you also need to discuss here our segregat...Perhaps you also need to discuss here our segregationist culture. We keep guys and girls seperate (and perhaps give guys a bit more leeway), and then suddenly when they are age 20, we say, ok, now marry someone. A woman who has not hung around with guys will always take a little bit more time to get used to the marriage idea and by the time she comes around to it, after studies and all, she is "too old".<BR/><BR/>In here, I see girls who were not that conservative and chose their husbands with their parents permission are the ones who are marrying "locally" and having long marriages. Girls who waited until they are near 30 are the ones with issues.<BR/><BR/>Again, my views, feel free to disagree.mezbahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16450639860657867772noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-12427312.post-52039579010777007682008-10-21T14:20:00.000-04:002008-10-21T14:20:00.000-04:00HAHAHAHAH you gave me the giggles again, Asmaa.S-M...HAHAHAHAH you gave me the giggles again, Asmaa.<BR/><BR/>S-M-R-T!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-12427312.post-48553979060184626672008-10-21T00:23:00.000-04:002008-10-21T00:23:00.000-04:00I am so smart, S-M-R-T.I am so smart, S-M-R-T.Asmaahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12799829085959558569noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-12427312.post-26581821621999065282008-10-20T21:46:00.000-04:002008-10-20T21:46:00.000-04:00u so smart asmaa :)u so smart asmaa :)Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-12427312.post-18128031585436874152008-10-20T21:09:00.000-04:002008-10-20T21:09:00.000-04:00Giacomo, tie your camel, and then put your trust i...Giacomo, tie your camel, and then put your trust in Allah.<BR/><BR/>Adnan, I think the need for marriage is a combination of things. It's a biological and social need. It can make us much better people if it's done strategically. And it can make us happier people. <BR/><BR/>It's also the socially acceptable and expected thing to do, both in the Muslim and non-Muslim context (albeit with different layers of complexity in each).Asmaahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12799829085959558569noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-12427312.post-68005792027127172572008-10-20T14:17:00.000-04:002008-10-20T14:17:00.000-04:00@giacomo - ummm... err... okay.@asmaa - so relatin...@giacomo - ummm... err... okay.<BR/><BR/>@asmaa - so relating the post to that title. you haven't really addressed the "need for marriage" as you see it. or have you?Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-12427312.post-27296938429220311082008-10-20T02:26:00.000-04:002008-10-20T02:26:00.000-04:00I determine the market, not she. Allah provides my...I determine the market, not she. Allah provides my guidance, not she, not you, not me. I don't chase, rather I calculate. All problems in life are simple when I don't leave it up to me. Allah is my lord and he sent me a guide(s). A seducer shall want the creme de la creme. For he will treat her as creme de la creme. For he is the creme de la creme. <BR/><BR/>Be not disturbed oh muslimeen. For your lord has already chose your partner and he has already written your rizk. You just have to beg him for it. <BR/><BR/>I do not conquer, I submit.<BR/><BR/><BR/>-Don't call me casanova<BR/><BR/>http://histoiredemavie.livejournal.comAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-12427312.post-51361539972820295682008-10-20T01:05:00.000-04:002008-10-20T01:05:00.000-04:00varsity, needs do differ depending on factors that...varsity, needs do differ depending on factors that are unique to each person's life. It's not a pie chart, I know. I agree with everything you're saying. Like I said, I'm just challenging the gender stereotypes :)<BR/><BR/>Abdul, go new generation! But only some of us are appreciating the balance of different needs. Most of us are just as lost as the average old fogy.Asmaahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12799829085959558569noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-12427312.post-29254928271193056392008-10-20T00:09:00.000-04:002008-10-20T00:09:00.000-04:00"How can we begin discussing marriage issues when ..."How can we begin discussing marriage issues when the very terms we use are biased and inaccurate?"<BR/><BR/>It's a lot like science - if the new idea/terms you use are more accurate then over time they will be accepted. Obviously they will be challenged and resisted - as was the case with many truthful scientific discoveries, but if the newer terms can better model reality then they are accepted.<BR/><BR/>Same thing applies here and I think we have a newer generation that is perhaps beginning to appreciate the delicate balance of different needs ,requiring different levels of fulfillment, in a relationship.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-12427312.post-75477352128689527282008-10-20T00:07:00.000-04:002008-10-20T00:07:00.000-04:00but don't ppls needs differ? isn't everyone differ...but don't ppls needs differ? isn't everyone different? and get married for different reasons?<BR/><BR/>and there is never one reason to get married, nor is it ever a nicely divided pie chart split into percentages.<BR/><BR/>we all have both needs, just some more than others. some have raging hormones, determined by genetics and social conditions, and others perhaps not.<BR/><BR/>different strokes for different folks.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-12427312.post-60454177753534033392008-10-19T21:59:00.000-04:002008-10-19T21:59:00.000-04:00I think the concerns of "varsity" are valid in tha...I think the concerns of "varsity" are valid in that I would agree we live in a hyper-sexualized world. I wasn't attempting to deny this, or to deny that people's desires for sexual relationships are strong and real.<BR/><BR/>My post was just challenging the very rigid "emotional vs. sexual" gender stereotypes that exist in our discourse. How can we begin discussing marriage issues when the very terms we use are biased and inaccurate?Asmaahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12799829085959558569noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-12427312.post-24077770328233000362008-10-19T21:26:00.000-04:002008-10-19T21:26:00.000-04:00I think I disagree with varsity as well. I'm sure ...I think I disagree with varsity as well. <BR/><BR/>I'm sure Muslim men (as well as women) feel the affects of a "highly pornified culture", but I think you're reiterating the point that Asmaa was trying to dispute: that men only need marriage for sexual purposes. What I gathered from your comment is that since men find physical needs met by readily available pornography and masterbation, they no longer require any emotional needs to be met. <BR/><BR/>Maybe I'm old-fashioned but I'd like to give the male gender a little more credit (even though they don't really deserve it).Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-12427312.post-3622189970551430312008-10-19T16:49:00.000-04:002008-10-19T16:49:00.000-04:00I disagree with varsity.However, I am happy you po...I disagree with varsity.<BR/><BR/>However, I am happy you posted and I agree with you. In fact if I were to get married right now, it would mostly be because of companionship & emotional support than anything else.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-12427312.post-23200103766787687992008-10-19T12:13:00.000-04:002008-10-19T12:13:00.000-04:00to be frank...pious muslim guys want to accelerate...to be frank...<BR/><BR/>pious muslim guys want to accelerate marriage because of the effects of a highly pornified culture that just kills the soul, not to mention masturbation (which can be debated in regards of its halalness).<BR/><BR/>when the porn problem becomes a significant addiction, it brings down and over shadows any other emotional need.<BR/><BR/>yes, we both have physical needs and emotional needs, but I think in this porn culture, the physical needs become so well fed that it overtakes all other needs.<BR/><BR/>Thus, there is this huge emphasis on the physical for guys. I don't think girls deal with the same addictions to porn. Correct me if I'm wrong.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-12427312.post-60076704325378725382008-10-19T12:07:00.000-04:002008-10-19T12:07:00.000-04:00women can be controlled??!?!!women can be controlled??!?!!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-12427312.post-48617821214550419872008-10-19T11:40:00.000-04:002008-10-19T11:40:00.000-04:00you should go see a social worker!hahah, sorry I w...you should go see a social worker!<BR/><BR/>hahah, sorry I won't say anything since you already know my opinions on the matter.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-12427312.post-58546526393482849082008-10-19T09:52:00.000-04:002008-10-19T09:52:00.000-04:00I've been trying. (and failing)I've been trying. (and failing)Asmaahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12799829085959558569noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-12427312.post-53251032133197800202008-10-19T05:40:00.000-04:002008-10-19T05:40:00.000-04:00Maybe you should find yourself a Pious Modern Musl...Maybe you should find yourself a Pious Modern Muslim man.. =)Anonymousnoreply@blogger.com