Randomly Placed

sister.asmaa@gmail.com (Asmaa) — Wed, 18 Nov 2009 15:40:00 +0000

I find it highly problematic that someone found my blog by googling "dont desire marriage muslim female."

For the Love

sister.asmaa@gmail.com (Asmaa) — Mon, 16 Nov 2009 03:17:00 +0000

This makes me happy.

Somewhere over the rainbow...

sister.asmaa@gmail.com (Asmaa) — Sat, 14 Nov 2009 05:37:00 +0000

I kind of wish I was in a black and white movie. Or over the rainbow. Whichever is more doable.

sister.asmaa@gmail.com (Asmaa) — Fri, 13 Nov 2009 03:19:00 +0000

I'm so tired of being strong.

sister.asmaa@gmail.com (Asmaa) — Tue, 10 Nov 2009 01:01:00 +0000

Joseph was kind,
the beautiful manifestation of faith:
full heart, firm patience.

His heart held no spite from the bottom of the well–
just overflowing faith,
only speaking good words about God
through prison bars and between dusty travels.

I found Your Joseph in history,
and I loved him.
Would that the Josephs of our time
were as beautiful.

What's all this talk about...Niqab?

sister.asmaa@gmail.com (Asmaa) — Mon, 02 Nov 2009 15:50:00 +0000

Unless you have been living under a rock, you'll know that there has been major talk about niqab. The Muslim Canadian Congress released a statement in response to the issue (which first surfaced in Egypt): http://www.muslimcanadiancongress.org/20091008.html

I have nothing intricately intelligent to say with regards to the niqab issue. I have nothing to say about the religious backing for niqab, or the opinions of Islamic scholars. Essentially, this issue has nothing to do with that. It's about intolerance and racism.

But I would like to say is this: men need to stop telling women what and what not to wear. The thing that angers me the most is the presumptuous positions that people and groups take on issues that they have no experience with.

If you're a man, you've never had to experience the racism that comes along with wearing hijab or niqab. If you're a man, you haven't made that choice to wear something that will forever change the perceptions of people about you. You haven't, so what right do you have to speak on the issue as if you own it?

As for women who are speaking out against niqab - what if you're next? What if your clothing and way of life comes under the scrutiny of the government, and you feel powerless and hurt and defensive? If a niqab-ban is put into place, what and who is going to be next? When your turn comes, no one will be left to fight for you.

So stop talking, or we might make you stop.

No Longer Human

sister.asmaa@gmail.com (Asmaa) — Tue, 27 Oct 2009 03:00:00 +0000

That's right. I am no longer a human. I am officially an email-replying, conference-call-making, minutes-taking, research-building, small-talk-yapping, organizing MACHINE.

Who does not have time for much sleep.

Eating, however, I always have time for. And I find myself eating more than usual these days. It's to make up for the lack of sleep, promise.

ish.

sister.asmaa@gmail.com (Asmaa) — Fri, 23 Oct 2009 04:05:00 +0000

I have the memory of a goldfish; I don't remember what I had for breakfast this morning, or when any of my assignments are due. If I run into you and look a little uncomfortable, chances are I've forgotten your name. It makes multi-tasking a nightmare, because I will forget something extremely important.

But my heart remembers things much further back...and sometimes they are things I wish I could make it forget.

Organized Stalkers

sister.asmaa@gmail.com (Asmaa) — Sun, 18 Oct 2009 05:23:00 +0000

Someone came to my blog from here. It makes me laugh. (Sorry for exposing you, stalker)

Unethicalnessness

sister.asmaa@gmail.com (Asmaa) — Tue, 06 Oct 2009 21:13:00 +0000

Hi folks.

This year, I'm doing my social work placement at a hospital in Toronto. Gathering experience from my last placement as well as my current, I've come to the conclusion that unpaid internships/placements are unethical and problematic.

During my hospital orientation, one of the staff said "if it weren’t for the yearly social work students, we would not be able to function properly, or serve all the patients here." A statement like this makes me wonder about the use of my and other students' labour without proper (i.e. any) compensation. We're clearly an asset to the hospital – without which the hospital social workers would be there longer hours. So to use us without paying us seems like an unfair system.

To further this point, we are actually paying tuition through the nose to our educational institutions to give us these exploitative placements. That's right, "exploitative." Attempting to think about this logically will kill your brain cells. It is true that we gain valuable experience that will help us in our future employment opportunities and blah blah. But we could also learn just as well if we were being financially compensated.

I'm not saying I should be paid full wages with benefits. I'd like to simply point out the inherently unethical system.

End of rant. For now.

sister.asmaa@gmail.com (Asmaa) — Fri, 25 Sep 2009 19:28:00 +0000

tired

Lightening the Burden of Adulthood on Eid

sister.asmaa@gmail.com (Asmaa) — Fri, 18 Sep 2009 00:09:00 +0000

Because apparently I don't have enough things to occupy my time, I decided to make Eid loot bags.

Contents: (halal) jelly beans, gumballs, chocolate, rockets, a lollipop, and those square caramel things. The plan is to carry around a bag full of these treats and give them away to people I see on Eid day.

I feel a little bit like Santa Claus, except not as...haram. Or fat. There is only one catch, though - no children allowed.

Don't get me wrong, I like kids. But man, they hog all the attention on Eid! I always see them running around in those cute suits and dresses with lollipops, chocolate, toys, etc. But adults - nothing. We all walk around composed and calm and adult-like. This bores me. Just because we've passed the age of 18, it doesn't mean we have to stop liking the things we liked as kids. Come on, would you really pass up a roll of rockets or a lollipop on Eid?

So I'm going to brighten up the dull lives of some of my all-too-serious friends on Eid day. If you're around, you might want to track me down and get your hands on one of these :)

Is Your Mosque Packed?

sister.asmaa@gmail.com (Asmaa) — Sun, 13 Sep 2009 23:27:00 +0000

'Cause mine is.

And when I say "mine," I really mean regardless of which mosque I've gone to this Ramadan, it's always overflowing with men, women, and children. Rarely are the air conditioners adequate or functional, and oftentimes oblivious mothers bring their 4 children to run and scream between rows of praying women. In fact, yesterday's taraweeh prayer was described by my mother as a "suq" (i.e. a loud marketplace). Truth hurts sometimes.

So here I am every Ramadan: standing to pray in a cramped line with one too many women, sweating, and watching little (and sometimes not-so-little) kids duck in and out of the rows as they play hide and seek around my abaya.

You'd think I'd hate it. You'd think I couldn't wait to get out of the mosque and back to 'civilized' detachment. But I dread the end of Ramadan. I want it to last and last, because amongst the slight annoyances we find at our mosques, we also find an unparalleled zeal to worship God. We come in droves to worship; regardless of age, gender, race, or religious leaning.

It's a little bewitching to know that in a week, the mosques will likely go back to their normal state of being visited only for Jum'ah prayer.

Sure, I may be idealizing, but why can't I? Ramadan makes communities happen, man. May Allah (swt) allow us to maintain the ties of community we've developed this month, and keep our minds and hearts close to Him.

ants and terror and tea

sister.asmaa@gmail.com (Asmaa) — Fri, 11 Sep 2009 19:04:00 +0000

I used to take tea bags to work, so I could make tea there instead of buying a cup every day. Very economical of me.

Apparently I forgot one in my bag when Ramadan started. (As an aside, I actually dislike the word "purse"...I always refer to my "purse" as my "bag." Purse sounds so delicate and girly. I disapprove.)

Anyways, the forgotten tea bag snagged on something and covered all of my goods with little black tea granules. Which of course, I thought were ants at first - giving rise to a significant state of terror.

Then I got over it. And now I think I deserve at least a brief nap.

The end.

Top 10 Alhamdulillahs

sister.asmaa@gmail.com (Asmaa) — Sun, 06 Sep 2009 21:50:00 +0000

When I feel overwhelmed with work, sometimes I take time out to make an "Alhamdulillah" list. They are not very eloquent.

1. Alhamdulillah that I woke up today with no real worries (except that I have to organize my room and stuff before school starts).

2. Alhamdulillah for the beautiful month of Ramadan, which is unprecedented in blessings and mercy from Allah (swt). Even when I go through trials of patience throughout the day, I know that when it comes time to break my fast, my stomach will smile. And when I go to pray taraweeh in congregation, my heart will be eased standing in front of my Creator.

3. Alhamdulillah for running water, which gives rise to showers that wash away the body's tense worries and furrowed brows.

4. Alhamdulillah for chocolate and all its variations. Because sometimes I just need a shot of chocolate to get me through the day - you actually can get chocolate shots here.

5. Alhamdulillah that I'm able to appear offline on gmail chat.

6. Alhamdulillah that You've helped me avoid bad things in life, even though I was ungrateful to You. Seriously, Allah (swt) has had my back in ways that were so unforeseeable that it boggles the logical mind.

7. Alhamdulillah for baby oil because it smells good. And babies like my nephew because they make my heart feel good.

8. Alhamdulillah for shib shibs so you can kill bugs that crawl into your house through open windows. Sorry little ones, but you and I can't live in peace.

9. Alhamdulillah for friends who can put a smile on your face when you're down, or give you a good kick in the pants when you're arrogant.

10. Alhamdulillah for the blessing of Islam. Otherwise, who and what would I turn to in times of need? And who and what would I turn to when my heart is happy and grateful and I need to thank someone?

Sigh, alhamdulillah.

Hints that Social Work may not be the right field for you...

sister.asmaa@gmail.com (Asmaa) — Wed, 02 Sep 2009 04:11:00 +0000

If your friend drops out of dinner plans because she's not feeling well and your response to her is:

"Shut up, you're coming. Don't be a jerk...and don't make me kick you in the face."

Just sayin'

sister.asmaa@gmail.com (Asmaa) — Mon, 31 Aug 2009 00:47:00 +0000

Remember when it was a wintery Ramadan? And we would, all 8 of us, get up so early for suhoor. It would be so cold that we'd crankily wrap ourselves up in blankets and shiver while eating cereal and milk and leftover dinner. Then we'd pray and fall asleep in the living room until the sunlight started peaking through the curtains. It would tug on our eyelids until they opened, and we'd trudge back upstairs to continue sleep in our beds.

And remember the crowded iftars? Us elbowing each other to see what time sunset was on the prayer chart. Then debating whether to pray or eat first. We'd always eat first. And then sprawled out on the same suhoor couches we'd lay until it was time to get ready for salah. Hours later we were yawning our way up the stairs for a few short moments of rest before having to repeat the pattern.

Our numbers slowly dwindle, and I sigh as I remember days when we were all here, growing up chaotically between meals and prayers.

ugly today

sister.asmaa@gmail.com (Asmaa) — Wed, 26 Aug 2009 02:59:00 +0000

We have two public computers where I work. Tell me how a young guy comes in and starts watching porn, then gets offended when we ask him to leave, saying "I'm only human!" Keep in mind, this is a family-oriented centre.

Then when I was going home, as I was waiting for the streetcar, he had the audacity to come up to me and ask me for change. I wanted to punch him in the face.

Oh, and did I tell you about this crusty guy who was printing out a booklet with witchcraft and black magic spells? I flipped through his print-outs because he had left them there overnight.

I swear sometimes I wonder, really wonder, why I'm in this field.

Allahhul-musta'an.

Mr. Asmaa

sister.asmaa@gmail.com (Asmaa) — Thu, 20 Aug 2009 20:52:00 +0000

I was recently given a prominent leadership position in an Islamic organization in Toronto. Alhamdulillah. The amount of emails I have to sift through per day is mind-boggling, but I'm surviving and loving it.

I'm going to be honest: my leadership style is slightly dictatorial. I'm a stickler for organization and professionalism, and I communicate this clearly in all of my correspondences with volunteers and board members.

I recently overruled a decision that was made by one of the core members, and communicated this by stating more or less "this decision has been made, thank you." Afterwhich a volunteer replied, calling me "Mr. Asmaa" (jokingly, I assume).

It made me laugh at first, and frankly, I took it as a compliment because it meant I was professional and straight-forward.

And then it got me to thinking, why do we automatically associate clarity/straight-forwardness with masculinity? There are a lot of reasons that I don't feel like elaborating on right now. The main point though, is that now you may refer to me as Mr. Asmaa.

Thank you.

Allah Knows

sister.asmaa@gmail.com (Asmaa) — Mon, 17 Aug 2009 17:14:00 +0000

I posted this before, I'm sure. But I can't help posting it again; it's beautiful.

The Happiness Solution

sister.asmaa@gmail.com (Asmaa) — Fri, 14 Aug 2009 01:55:00 +0000

I miss Siraj Wahaj:

I now realize that I have wasted so much time being sad when my heart could have been contented instead; when I could have been smiling. I'm not wasting anymore time.

With Every Hardship

sister.asmaa@gmail.com (Asmaa) — Sat, 08 Aug 2009 04:34:00 +0000

Al-Ahad filled the depravity in these bones
with the sweetness of Iman.
He replaced this hopeless heart
with a live, beating one
that believed divine relief was just a few steps in the distance.

In the night I cried out to Him,
Ya Allah, Ya Allah
I ask you by all the Names you have revealed in Your book...
and He gave me the hardships He knew I could shoulder.
He gave me punishment to expiate my sins
and so I loved Him more,
though my heart was heavy with grief,
and my shoulders slumped from the weight of sadness.

Now every gust of wind that blows against my skin
satiates my limbs with the desire to meet Him,
and causes my eyes to close in imagination
of how the breeze in Paradise would feel,
how it would evaporate the lines of age and distress from my face.

Ya Allah, Ya Allah
my Lord, I am in anguish
that I replaced Your love in my heart with the love of people
and things
believing they would make me whole
but they disappointed my heart and left it barren.

Ya Allah, Ya Allah
I ask you through Your Name by which if you are asked, You will not reject Your servant...
and He gave me more difficulties,
but I withstood them
and I stood taller, bending my face towards His Light.

I wait for these moments, days, years to pass
until I meet my Rabb,
until I am able to bask in the brilliance of an everlasting rest,
until my heart is so full of love that it knows nothing else.

Ya Wadood
allow me to enter it.

Allah Laughs

sister.asmaa@gmail.com (Asmaa) — Thu, 06 Aug 2009 20:52:00 +0000

Laqeet bin Saburah narrates that the Messenger of Allah said: "Our Lord laughs over the despair of His slaves, when relief is so close."

So he (Laqeet) said: "O Messenger of Allah! And does the Lord laugh?"

He replied: "Na'am. (Yes.)"

Laqeet said: "We will never give up hope in receiving good from a Lord who laughs!"

Her Umrah Du'a

sister.asmaa@gmail.com (Asmaa) — Wed, 05 Aug 2009 19:09:00 +0000

A few months ago my friend went for Umrah for the first time. I was going through a rough patch, so I asked her to include me in her du'a.

A few weeks later I got an email from her saying she was back, and that she had made du'a for me. And what had amazed me about this was that she made du'a for me the first time she saw the ka'bah. Of all the prayers she could have made for herself and her family when her eyes first met the ka'bah, when she first felt that connection to history, to God, she chose me.

That she could love me enough to let that first du'a belong to me...gives me inexplicable happiness.

sister.asmaa@gmail.com (Asmaa) — Tue, 04 Aug 2009 17:21:00 +0000

Today is a flip-flops-at-work day.