Why I Work Out

When people ask me why I started going to the gym and paying more attention to my physical strength, I usually come up with dumb answers like: "Oh I just want to be more fit" or "working out gives me more energy" or the like.

Truth is, I hadn't really thought about it in detail before. But a few weeks ago I started thinking about the "why" a lot. And I came to an interesting conclusion - even interesting to me.

Basically, I refuse to be vulnerable anymore. What I wanted to change on a subconscious level was my emotional vulnerability. Making myself stronger gave me a sense of physical power, and since our bodies are irrevocably intertwined with our minds, physical power for me translated directly into raw emotional power as well.

Whether that has worked or not is still up for discussion, but such was my discovery. Then recently I found out I was doing everything wrong. Eating the wrong things, working out the wrong way, etc. And now I'm super annoyed and angry at myself for wasting my valuable time.

Let's see whether anger translates into results!

"....in spite of all the obstacles, in spite of the opposition from the men, the Palestinian women will participate in the liberation struggle. Every day, people are killed amongst us, every day produces a martyr. If people don't understand (our) situation....they won't understand the pain that makes mothers wish, more than anything else, for their sons to become commandos."

Indigestion

It's 2am and I can't sleep due to indigestion. I guess this is some kind of sign that I can't pump my body full to the brim like I used to at the age of 17. Well, at least not without consequences.

In other news, I guess I'm officially looking for a job or something. Mostly because I need routine in my life again. If you see any listings for professional procrastinators please let me know. Or clowns.

Baby Love

Getting love from a baby is one of the best things in life.

Sometimes we strive so hard to be unique - as though we have to prove something to the world. We have to prove that we're not sheep, that we're individuals, that we have the ability to be original.

It gets tiring to uphold uniqueness. And what I've come to realize is that sometimes there is comfort in just being a part of the crowd.

When we hand our sorrows over to Allah, He takes them and gives us His Mercy instead.

Betrayal comes under many guises
but always leaves the same mark: a willingness to internalize the events of said betrayals, whether real or imagined,
and the strength to repulse someone you loved.

Your eyes are innocent and you meant well, you say;
I detect no malevolent urges behind your expressions
and yet I am at the same time disgusted.
The violence of your insignificant curt glances or the
minuscule versions of mocking grins surprises even me.
They gnaw at my innards and make me doubt every truth.

I wonder at the vulnerability of the soul; so strong, even sometimes exerting brute force upon its enemies, through words, or fists full of hair,
but at its core, it is a confusion of love entangled with a deep sort of hatred of other souls.

It is love because it loves the One who created it; the separation from love that we ascribe to it is false;
but it is also an ingrained hatred because as this soul is betrayed by others, it never regains its purest state of first love.

Sarah

I'm officially an aunt for the third time, Alhamdulillah. I'm with my sister who had a baby just last night. Here you can see baby Sarah's ear piercing, which was naturally done the same day she was born.


Take a gander at those thick black tresses, mashaAllah! No matter how many times it happens in my life, seeing a baby born (especially into my family) is always the best and purest miracle, subhanAllah.

In case you ever wondered how men in Egypt dress, here's a little preview of their fashion: