Nov 10, 2012

Friday, November 9

My husband and I went in to the hospital for me to get an ultrasound, then we had some errands to run afterwards. But once we were done and heading out of the room, the doctor came to us and said "where do you think you're going?" and proceeded to explain to us that I had to be induced due to some concerns with the baby's movements in the womb (or lack thereof).

I remember that moment sitting in the hospital room, my heart dropping, my anxiety crashing through the roof. My husband was calmer, but that was only because he needed to balance me out. I'm pretty sure his blood pressure was also spiking to abnormal levels at the time.

So I filled out some forms, got checked in to the hospital and put into a labour and delivery room. I changed into a hospital gown. I made my husband miss Jummah prayer to be with me, which he did without hesitation.

Lying in that hospital bed, with an IV needle in the vein of my right hand, I felt my mind go blank. I wasn't ready for this, I thought I had at least another 2 weeks before I had to change my whole life for a baby. I was also in a constant state of worry - what if the baby wasn't okay? The doctor had mentioned that there was a 50% chance I would end up having a C-Section if the baby's heart was in distress.

After getting the epidural (which was an excellent decision), they started me on the drugs that would make my contractions begin. For the next several hours, the doctor would come in and check on me, looking at the baby's heart beat and seeming concerned. It seemed like an endless number of hours passed this way, with me not being able to move much, lying in bed with God knows what thoughts running through my mind.

The doctor finally came in as midnight approached and said the baby was not going through the contractions well. His heartbeat was getting low after each contraction, and if that continued for the next 30 minutes, the doctor would have to perform a C-Section. The nurse stopped the IV flow of the induction fluids. Now it was a waiting game.

By some miracle, my own body took over and I started having normal contractions which the nurse and doctor where very happy about (as was I). The baby's heartbeat went back up to normal since natural contractions are much less stressful on baby. And in the next hour or so, after much confusion, pain, and praying, my baby was born.

After 9 months of thinking it was a boy, at 12:42 am, the doctor pronounced "it's a girl." I remember the first thing I thought was "SHE WOULD BE!"...any daughter of mine would have to start off in this world as some kind of trickster. They cleaned her up while I was in a state of shock, my whole body shaking for no apparent reason. They handed her to me, and after all the worry that the doctor had instilled in our minds, there she was, a 6 pound and 5 ounce piece of perfection. We called her Ruqaya.

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I now live in a kind of zone where time doesn't exist. Night and day are one. Sleep and wakefulness are not determined by the time on the clock. The whole purpose of my life is to keep this little being alive and fed and clean. And as difficult as it is at times, it's also the most valuable experience I've ever gone through. Your whole life changes permanently. Your perspectives change. Even your personality changes.

As scared as I was (and still am) to be a mother, I wouldn't trade it for anything else.

Alhamdulillah for the miracle that is life.