Thursday, July 17, 2008

Hi.

Well wow, I haven't posted for a month and a half. Longest time I've ever been away. I guess I haven't felt very talkative lately. Or...writative.

For example, I started writing a novel about 2 months ago - at work during my spare time - but got writer's block about 700 words into it, and thought that's probably not a good sign. So I quit.

I'm in Egypt. The Adhan for fajr just went off. I can't sleep. When I logged into blogger everything was in Arabic lettering. That was confusing.

We're pretty much here to drop off my sister (she's getting married) and come back to Canada. I've always found marriage to be a rather depressing thing. Which is a pretty terrible thing to say, I admit.

I guess it's fear of change, fear of the unknown. And a touch of separation anxiety. Oh well. Not much for people to do except get over their fears or stagnate.

Everything has been going in slow motion for the past few months. As though I'm outside looking in, scrutinizing my life, wondering what and how and who I'll end up being.

I'll let you know if I find out.

9 comments:

Rizwan said...

I thought it worth reminding you that the first part of your current view on marriage corresponds very closely to those of Mr. Woodhouse--Emma's old fussy father in Jane Austen's novel =)

But I get what you're saying. Insha' Allah, you're able to figure those things out about yourself without reference to a relationship with a husband, siblings, parents, employers and whatnot--not that defining oneself in relation to others is bad or something--but it's easier. If you were going to do that, you would have done it by now, no? So perhaps you're meant to take a different road here.

Hey, send me those 700 words of your unfinished novel! You're one to quit after 700 words after the advice you gave me!

adnan. said...

"drop off", is the egyptian term for "getting married"?

Asmaa said...

Rizwan, well you'd be surprised what I have in common with old British men from the early 1900's. Hehe.

I'd say defining yourself in relation to other people is possibly a cop-out. It depends on how you look at it, really. I've always thought that you need to be a whole person and know yourself, before beginning to invest in other people. Maybe that's selfish.

And no, I can't send unfinished work to people.

Adnan, yeah pretty much. But it's okay, I'm African.

Rizwan said...

"I've always thought that you need to be a whole person and know yourself, before beginning to invest in other people. Maybe that's selfish."

Yeah, it might be selfish. It could also be thought of as naive in terms of underestimating the degree to which the "self" is formed/selfhood is determined in terms of others, e.g. parents, teachers, friends, geography, socio-economic class...

But I think what you're saying about being whole and knowing oneself isn't naive or selfish but rather pragmatic. It's empowering. It resonates with that part of me that believes that I can make rational choices, that I can exercise agency, and take responsibility for my decisions.

Hope you're not inhaling too much dust over in "Africa".

Z

Asmaa said...

My my Rizwan, what a quick response that was :D

Yes, it's naive to think others don't have an affect on the type of person you are. But then, maybe it's also related to the whole concept of marriage - believing that another person is magically going to "complete" you, and make all the internal questions you have about yourself disappear. I've always believed that before you get married you need to know yourself, instead of just absorbing everything from the other person.

Anyways, enough rant about marriage. Yuck.

I am inhaling dust here. It's getting to my brain :D

Rizwan said...

One more thing before I totally drop this:

Did you see Christopher Nolan's "The Dark Knight" yet? Ok, so you know the famous line from Cameron Crowe's "Jerry Maguire" when Tom tells Rene: "You complete me"--but the Dark Knight has my favourite parody of that line when the Joker tells Batman why he has changed his mind and doesn't want to kill him anymore--with a mischievous look, Joker says: "You complete me!"

Maybe there's something wrong with me or maybe it was just because I'm so loud--but it seemed like I was the only one in the theatre who laughed out loud at that.

Regardless, I suggest screening the Dark Knight has to be a priority. It's the brainiest and savvyist of the "superhero" films in the last decade in terms of ethics, politics, and psychology. It's not so much a superhero film as a psychological thriller epic mystery crime drama action adventure film.

adnan. said...

while you're at it, watch "Memento" and "Insomnia" by Christopher Nolan as well.

hmmm... not sure if you can find those movies... in Africa.

adnan. said...

also, this just hit me.

you can take your 700 words; hack, slash and build on it, to create a short story. just rework it.

voila!

snagabeardedmoslem said...

Ah, so your darling sis managed to snag a Bearded Mozlem? Good for her!