Tuesday, August 30, 2005

Like a symphony in my mouth. A bad symphony

I made oatmeal cookies today. I tasted them, they tasted confusing. They tasted like popcorn.

Friday, August 26, 2005

The Calm Before the Storm

This past week has felt so ridiculously calm that I'm beginning to wonder if I'm on the verge of something massive. There's always a calm spell before anything major happens in life... Look back on your life at everything that has happened to you and your family, all the milestones that stand out in your memory. Are you looking back? Good. Now that's exactly the opposite of what's happening to me at this very moment. I'm living during all the middle stuff which you usually delete from your memory because it's of no consequence. Oh well. The calm before the storm. The only question that remains is what exactly the storm has in store...

Wednesday, August 24, 2005


I want to be famous so I can be humble about being famous. What good is my humility when I am stuck in this obscurity? David Budbill

Saturday, August 20, 2005

Mar, you're the first one

My sister got married today. I talked to her afterwards, well - more like screamed for joy at the top of my lungs over the phone to the point where miscellaneous relatives and guests (who could hear me apparently) started questioning my sanity. It hit me pretty hard, my sister being married. She's the first one out of all my siblings to be married. I was really happy, I don't know if I was ever as happy as when I talked to her. It was basically a big cry-fest. It made me realize so much. None of this could have happened if it were not for the Mercy and Will of Allah (swt). I mean, only He had the ability to make it happen that two people from two different continents would meet and just fit. SubhanAllah. May Allah keep them both on the straight path and give them all the imaginable happiness in this world and the next. Ameen. There's a full moon tonight - so I said to it, raabi wa rabuk Allah, My lord and your lord is Allah.

Wednesday, August 17, 2005


Do you hear the rain? I want to turn off the computer and call you to tell you how it is raining in the green centre of the day, late afternoon thundering open like heartbreak - like we imagine - but you are another illusion - so I keep on typing. Malca Litovitz

Sunday, August 14, 2005

Irony aboard Egypt Air

My sister, now in Egypt, has instructed me to post her personal reflections on my blog - assuming that people may obtain some kind of amusement from reading this. As I read it, I felt an inch of relief that I didn't have to take this trip. Ignore the grammatical errors, I am not an editor. Irony aboard Egypt Air 1. continuous reminders that smoking is prohibited, along with threats of alarms sounding should u choose to smoke inside the lavoratory. Why then, one may ask, is there an ashtray inside the washroom, complete with a picture of a cigarette on it? What the hell? its kind of like, yo, dont smoke but look, its a long flight, you're egyptian, im egyptian...*wink wink* 2. Random guy who randomly selects random carry-on baggage to inspect. One can only imagine the boredom that he suffers. Why else would a flight attendant feel the urge to make himself feel and look important? 3. Creepy Egyptian flight attendants. What makes them creepy? They are egyptian-looking men. Enough said. 4. An instructional and safety video equipped with state of the art graphically created arab man. As he models proper procedure, one becomes quite disturbed by his protruding belly, overgrown moustache, and why oh why does this arab man have a thick unibrow?? (Asmaa interrupting: Why must he have a unibrow? It is the law of nature that Arab men must have unibrows. If this was not the case, the world just might not revolve properly around its axis)

5, 4, 3, 2, 1...Boom!

I hate listening to people argue with one another. You'd think that if I wasn't involved in the argument, it wouldn't matter to me...but it really bothers me. In fact, it's just painful. an·ger n. A strong feeling of displeasure or hostility.

Wednesday, August 10, 2005

Shootings claim two lives...

The group of friends had just left the Phoenix Concert Theatre on Sherbourne St. in downtown Toronto after enjoying its weekly reggae music and hip hop night. They were heading to a car parked on a nearby street just before 4 a.m. yesterday, when a man came up to them and fired several shots. Two men died and another was hurt. Police don't believe the gunman knew the victims. What they do know is that guns have been used in more slayings this year than in all of 2004. Ali Mohamud Ali, 19, died instantly in the shooting early Monday near Homewood Ave. and Maitland Pl. A 20-year-old man was also hit. Friends tried to drive Loyan Mohammed Ahmed, 23, to a nearby hospital. A few blocks away, near Bloor and Jarvis Sts., they waved to police for help. An ambulance came but paramedics weren't able to save him For full article, click here It turns out, my brother went to high school with Loyan Mohammed Ahmed, one of the victims of this shooting. He was such a nice guy, he always used to say salaams to us and hang out around our building with his friends. Inalillahi wa ina ilayhi raji'un. This is very sad. Edit: There's another article about him in today's Toronto Star. You hear about people getting shot all the time, especially in Toronto. But you never think it's going to happen to someone you know. His picture was in the paper today. And I was thinking, he was here just a few days ago, and now he's just gone. May Allah grant him forgiveness. "He it is Who gives life and causes death. And when He decides upon a thing He says to it only: "Be!" and it is." (Ghaffir: ayah 68)

Tuesday, August 09, 2005


Everything's crazy right now. I pretty much packed for my sister since she is severely disabled when it comes to making decisions. Her: Asmaa, what should I wear on the plane? Me: Who cares? You're going to the ghetto. She's stilling thinking about what to wear. She was so desperate, she actually asked me for one of my bummy shirts. And no one wears my bummy shirts but me. The flight is leaving at 5pm. Technically, they should be at the airport right now, but you know Egyptians. So it's Air Canada until Montreal, then Egypt Air until Cairo. It's a pretty easy trip; last time we had to stop in Italy (everything there is crazy expensive - damn euros). Right now, my mom bought some nuts from Loblaws... My little sister: why do you want nuts? My mom: because I'm nuts. Hahahaha. (Please note that my mother is not nuts, this was just a joke) Edit: alright, they're gone now. My dad and two older sisters. It's so empty now. Not used to this emptiness.

Monday, August 08, 2005

It's Gone from Light to Grey

My stomach ties itself up into knots so tight that I can hardly breathe. My sister is getting married sometime next week. In Egypt. Except that I'm not going with her. I'm not going to be at my sister's wedding. No matter how many times I say it, it just doesn't seem real. One half of me is just depressed, the other half is full of anger at the circumstances that happen to prevent me from going. I know that in the scheme of things, it really isn't that big of a deal, but I can't seem to get over this. I guess I have learned something about myself in recent days: when I feel something, I really feel it. It somehow feels juvenile to cry about something that I can't change.

Wednesday, August 03, 2005


Safiyyah of SAFspace has asked me: What does your blog fail to tell about you? My complex answer: nothing, if you look closely. I'm not that complicated. I mean, there are two loves in my life: one being chocolate, the other being chocolate cake. You might think that there is something deeper, something intellectual and amazing about me. Well, you're wrong. But, to answer the question fairly, the following is a list of things that I haven't yet mentioned about myself in my blog: 1. I enjoy peanut butter 2. I find solace when writing on my blog. 3. I am a terrible liar. I can't lie for beans (well, maybe for kidney beans...) 4. There's a war going on in my head and I'm not sure who's winning. I always wonder, am I crazy, or is everyone like this? 5. I've had writer's block for so long now. It kills me not to write, even though I am not excellent at it. 6. I hate it when people criticize me, but I don't let on. 7. I've got spaces between my teeth, so I've literally been told "Asmaa, your teeth match your face." So I figure that I must look spaced out most of the time. This is not The End.