Sunday, July 28, 2013

Anger

I have a lot of anger seething inside of me, anger that I have to subdue because I don't want to wreck my relationships with important people in my life, anger that I have to quell because I have a child that needs me to be happy and take care of her well, anger that if tested would likely spill over the edges and burn whatever it touches.

I've been in Egypt for the past two months, I've seen the president get forcibly removed from his position, detained, and likely imprisoned for a long time (if not worse). I've seen photos and videos of people getting shot between their eyes and through their hearts for not being okay with a military coup, for daring to protest against the "great" Egyptian military's decisions. Women were killed, babies were killed.

Far worse than this (and from where my anger truly stems) is not the indifference of Egyptians to what is happening...rather, the sense of pride they have that their military is ridding Egypt of "terrorists" and those who wish to "destroy our country." It makes me physically ill thinking that respectful, educated people don't give a damn that their own people are being massacred in cold blood. The media, naturally, is to blame for this blindness that people seem to be suffering from. Since a member of the Muslim Brotherhood was elected as president, they have been spending every waking moment demonizing him and his party, blaming them for every possible thing wrong with the country (past, present, and even future). Many Egyptians who I considered (past tense) to be intelligent and respectful people are under the impression that the media can say and do no wrong, and that the military should go ahead and just kill anyone protesting against them (when asked "what about women, what about children?" they reply "it's their fault that they are there").

I can't even begin to understand where these people's hearts have gone, I suppose they've gone with their minds into some black hole in the universe. Who knows if they'll ever come back from this.

I'm angry that every time my (bearded) husband leaves the house, I wonder whether he'll come back to me alive or if he'll be the victim of the crippling anti-religious fervor holding the country. I wonder if we'll ever escape the dirty looks we get when walking together. I wonder if Egypt will ever be the same again, or if it will now be worse for a religious person to live here than any given non-Muslim country. Honestly, current Egypt makes me miss the political apathy in Canada.

I just don't know how long the anger can stay here before I burst at the seams.

8 comments:

Anonymous said...

Lol. My sister works in Saudi Arabia and her co-workers are all with the coup and she said that she doesn't even want to go back to work because she just wants to punch them all in the face.

Anonymous said...

you are in our prayers. We are all devastated by what is happening.

Anonymous said...

Surah Al-Baqara, Verse 154:
وَلَا تَقُولُوا لِمَن يُقْتَلُ فِي سَبِيلِ اللَّهِ أَمْوَاتٌ بَلْ أَحْيَاءٌ وَلَٰكِن لَّا تَشْعُرُونَ

And do not speak of those who are slain in Allah's way as dead; nay, (they are) alive, but you do not perceive.
(English - Shakir)

HijaabiintheRain said...

May Allah give you strength, sister. I wish I had words which could comfort you in your grief. I pray Allah gives you ease of the mind and the heart . You are in my duas

Anonymous said...

We were friends briefly in University but I was very upset reading about your tragedy. May God give you strength. I wish there was something I could do to help.

Anonymous said...

May Allah (swt) give you the strength to carry on.

Your writing inspired me to be a better person. I'm so sorry about what happened.

I don't know what to say. Please take care of yourself.

Anonymous said...

I stumbled across your blogspot (and this post in particular) after coming across your piece 'Teaching myself not to lose hope'. It is chilling to think that only a month before this tragedy you expressed your fears about losing your husband in this very piece. Your article has inspired and empowered many sis..

You are blessed to have the power of eloquence in your writing.. keep writing, keep inspiring, for, the pen surely is mightier than the sword. I will continue to remember your family in my duas.. May Allah swt continue to grant you the highest level of patience, and your beloved husband only the highest level of Jannah.. Aameen!

Faraz said...

My prayers are with you.

Your response to this tragedy is commendable. You have a gift in writing, you should consider documenting these events to share with the world the reality of what is going on over there. I wouldn't be surprised if one day you are to Egypt what Khalid Hosseini is to Afghanistan; you have the talent and knowledge to tell the stories, to show the world the underlying humanity behind what we see in the news.