Thursday, January 30, 2014

Sometimes I wish I had more time to write, and not just little bursts of opportunities when my daughter decides to take a nap.

Grief is a strange thing. It leaves you in peace for some moments and comes back with a vengeance at the drop of a hat. Things that used to be easy are difficult now. And things that used to be difficult don't even matter anymore. I supposed priorities are deeply changed when your life partner is no longer by your side. The things you thought mattered just don't anymore. There isn't a more eloquent way of saying's just that simple.

It's strange to try to imagine my future now. The future has always been uncertain, but I came to expect at least a little bit of predictability. Now I constantly wonder where I'll live and what I'll do for the next few years. And more than anything I wonder if I'll go back to a life of mediocrity or if I'll make a difference in the world.

My heart breaks at the idea that I may live in mediocrity.


Anonymous said...

How can you live a mediocre life when you are not mediocre at all?

May Allah make raise you in status in this life and in the next.

Sumayyah said...

May Allah purify our hearts from misguidance, heedlessness, and love of this world. May He help us to remember Him, be grateful to Him, and serve Him in the best way. We may live and die without being known for any great feat, without being remembered and praised for being in the front lines of this struggle or that struggle, but we must never look down upon any good deed, no matter how small, how everyday. The smile you give to your child or the morsel you put in her mouth may not seem like anything extraordinary, but they are small good deeds that are building the person she will become. If we try our best to do what Allah asks of us, and stay away from what Allah asks us to stay away from -- if we escape the hellfire and Allah allows us to enter jannah -- then that is the true success. And of course, there is no mediocrity in the Hereafter; it is either everlasting happiness, or everlasting distress. May Allah make us of the successful ones.

Elizabeth said...

I can tell even though I have never met you, am on a different continent than you are, are of a different religion than you, that you are NOTHING like mediocre. Give yourself time to grieve; there is a productivity that cannot be measured when we give ourselves the time we need. My prayers are with you.