Rise and Fall...

My mom is funny. When someone asks her about her kids, she has this list prepared in her mind with exactly what to say (big family). From this virtual list (similar to a shopping list), she reads out everyone's name, what they're studying, and a bunch of other wonderful facts about them. Except, on her list, I've been 16 years old for the past four years and I go to Ryerson. Oh well. Actually, I was applying for a job the other day and this is the conversation that happened between myself and the manager: Her: how old are you? Me: errr, almost 20. Her: Okay, because you have to be 18 or above to work here. Me: Do I look younger than 18? Her: Yeah, you look 16. Me: Cool. Her: Well, whatever you're doing, it's working. Sometimes I want to stop people, even random people and just tell them that nerds need love too.

Horror, at first sight

I saw this and fell in love with it, instantly: This reminds me of some of those ridiculous horror movies I watched as a child. You know the ones I'm talking about: -Evil posessed teddy bears/dolls that stab you with scissors in the leg. -Killer meatballs (meatballs that are really big and roll over you, and in turn, killing you.) -Killer bees/bugs/birds/piranhas/snakes, etc.

(Perhaps movie-makers were stuck in a rut back then. Arguably, they still are.)

Couple a' things

So, I finally handed in that devil paper today. In other news, I saw a pigeon on the Bathurst subway station platform - it was going Westbound. I've seen this pigeon strutting around several times before...what I want to know is whether or not it had to pay to get on the subway. Also, word is out that I was wearing Spongebob earmuffs today. Speaking of which, it's snowing here. From an episode of Spongebob: Spongebob: What is this stuff? (when he sees snow) Patrick: It's a vast, swirling wonderland of sparkling white pleasure. Let it fill your senses with cascading, fluffy pillows of excitement and comfort as you've never felt before. (this brings a tear to Sponge's eye) Spongebob: Wow Pat, that was beautiful. Patrick: What? I was just reading this candy bar wrapper, see? (he hands Sponge the wrapper. Sponge gasps) Gaaah you wouldn't understand!

Okay, so my sister put my jacket on today and she found a dime in the pocket. Can you believe that? A dime from last winter. (these are the kinds of posts you make when you have a 40% paper due in 2 days that you haven't started on.) But seriously, ten entire cents. It was really shiny too.

Indicative

Conversation between my brother and I: Me: Hey, have you ever seen my blog header? (you know, the pic on the top of my blog) Bro: what is it a picture of? Me: my backpack, sweater and feet. It has no significance. Bro: just like your life. Word of the week: "indicative"

Surrender

Reflection of the trees. Everything here is failing, take this beauty, ravaged by an unspeakable pain. edges of my soul wither and brown, dry. turn in upon themselves. A tree loosens its grip on its leaves. Cruel. allows them to die so that it can live. I am dying. Stripped, nothing left but her, the essence; bare and unprotected. Shivering. Free, for all to see. Winter sets in without hope for spring.

Found it

This is like when something so apparently insignificant can jolt your heart and cause it to release its binding and open up to show the deep chasms of light and dark. Frightening as it is, it causes you to reflect - will you close up your heart as quickly as it has been cracked apart, or will you have the courage to face the dark that you find within it - and the light - with opened eyes and a sincere mind? At times I've felt this heart harden and close up, but now I can see again that I am not hoplessly lost. I have a map; it's just a matter of following the directions without taking my eyes off the road. Edit: What I found was the story of Abu Bakr (radiyAllahu anhu). Ask.

Ever have the feeling of being detached from yourself? I've been feeling like that all week - it's like floating without an anchor. It's a conflict that happens when the chaos in your mind sharply contrasts with the normal mechanical happenings of your day; it's maddening. As stressful as it was, Eid sort of made it better :) It feels good to be connected to something so wholly bigger and greater than you. In other news, November. Bismillah.

I was going to post about Eid, but I still haven't recovered from it. Eid Mubarak everyone :)

Oh Lord, here I am pleading at Your door send me Your mercy send me Your peace or I am lost for sure. Oh Lord, here I am yearning for Your cure this humble servant will be diverted from You no more.