Tuesday, January 19, 2010

On the Merits of Public Tears

I have a thing for crying in public - specifically on public transportation. There is something oddly freeing about crying in front of people you don't know. You're able to release that tension in your heart in the presence of people who may judge you at the moment, but will forget you as soon as they leave the subway.

I personally try my best to avoid crying in front of people that I know - whether it be family or friends. I don't want to seem weak, I want to be the strong one that always has it together. But crying in private behind your locked door or in a public washroom stall (don't judge me) releases some of that tension that resides in the heart. But it isn't the same as sharing your tears with someone else, even if it's a homeless old lady whose dog smells of urine.

Sometimes it's interesting to compare how I view myself vs. how others view me. I've heard a lot of people tell me I'm a very intimidating person for various reasons including: I'm straight-forward, I'm dictatorial, I don't smile enough, I joke around with a straight face, I'm tall, and I hold people accountable to what they say.

But I don't feel like any of that. I'm just a girl who likes to cry on the subway.


sara said...

You are the girl who cries on the subway, and the girl who listens when someone needs to talk.

Dreamlife said...

And how do people react?

Sammy said...

I used to find crying in front of people more tension-relieving than crying alone in my room. It never crossed my mind that I'd come off as weak, it was only because everybody said that that I got to know... Over the years though, I've realized people don't react the way I'd want them to in my moment of vulnerability, which is why one would expect me to cry less in public. One's wrong.


Nauman said...

I wonder if you've been labeled by anyone as "that tall Muslim girl who cries on the subway" so that when someone mentions you, the other person says "oh yeah, I know that person! She took the 4:45pm yesterday, right? Damn!" ;)

Anonymous said...

In your own words: "I know why I like you... !" fr:P

Asmaa said...

Sara, I'm good at listening I think :)

Dreamlife, they don't. We live in a very detached and uncaring world.

Sammy, thanks for sharing. Glad to know I'm not the only public-crying freak out there.

Nauman, DAMN straight ;)

Anon/fr, lol yes I know what I like you and why you like me. My arm still hurts from your boney punch back in second/third year ;)