Tuesday, August 01, 2006

Rant on Tuition and Revenge, by Asmaa

So I got my tuition invoice today - not so pleasant, as you can well imagine. They raised tuition fees (which are already exorbitantly high) by another $300. So let's do a quick run-down of the options I'd have to explore in order to pay it off without incurring interest: 1. Rob a bank (which I assume may be equally as bad as incurring interest) 2. Suddenly acquire a job that'll pay me several thousand dollars within the next month. 3. Get married and use the dowry to pay it off. Also, the feeling of annoyance really brings out the worst in me - well, the creative worst. Now I'm thinking I'd like to get my revenge against one or more of the university personnel who made the decision to raise tuition. A very nice method of revenge that I have aptly named "Asmaa's revenge" is this: The first step is to find out where this person lives and sneak into his or her bathroom when there's no one home. Next, take their bottle of shampoo and empty it out into the sink. Next, replace it with Nair hair removal lotion (those ones where you put them on your skin then "magically wipe the hair away"). Then proceed to sneak out of the person's home while laughing and rubbing hands together in an evil manner.


olde woman said...

Assalamu aleikum,

Okay, that was hilarious :D Oh dear, after that mission, the poor members of the university staff will be ineligible for spousal selection by the sisters who deem a beard (uh, for that matter, hair) a necessary prerequisite : )

That bit of humour was about the only thing that could have quelled my frustration about this. >___< I can't believe they RAISED tuition fees!!! By $300?! I mean, we're already paying more than most. Now we're paying ridiculously more than most. Grrr.


Umar said...

whats the damage?

brotherhood said...

no no you need to put super glue in the shampoo and also under their hat :p

sara said...

That plan is pure evil.

The result would be hilarious.

'liya said...

What if the person is bald to begin with? :D

Nauman said...

Tuition prices are ridiculous and with them going up, it becomes harder for people to pay those bills each time out. It's amazing how much of a scam it can be with so many extra fees involved with the tuition as revenue-means.

Besides, university is overrated...

amatullah said...

As salaamu alaikum,

I found the link to your blog through another blog, “sunni side up”. I just read the post and literally started cracking up lol so I knew I just had to comment :)

Anyhow, the whole putting-nair-into-the-empty-shampoo-bottle idea was hilarious…I cant believe I never thought of that myself..not that I would do it..but y’know just in case hehe..

Btw, have they increased the tuition in all the universities?

anis said...

It is indeed evil for the university to raise the tuition at such an exuberant rate. But look on the bright side: you don't have to pay the same amount as students in professional schools have to.

Check out what becharay law students are forced to cough out: $18,223.22

and why the 22c... what difference is that going to make...

Asmaa said...

Olde, gah the unshovelled snow!!! walaikum assalaam. Well they should have thought of that before messing with me! >:) I'm glad this is my last year, inshaAllah.

Umar, naturally, the person will either lose all their hair or it'll become patchy and ugly. Either way, it doesn't reduce my tuition fees, but it still makes the evil half of Asmaa happy.

Brotherhood, no no my plan is much eviler because it has lasting effects.

sara, glad to see you approve :P

Aaliya, if the person is bald then I'll have to come up with another method of revenge. Dangit.

Nauman, it is difficult for students, which is the reason that most people never have the opportunity to get higher education. Someone's got to pay for professors' salaries and ridiculous renovations :S

Amatullah, hehe thanks. Even if you don't use my form of revenge, you can still be content in the fact that you could, if someone really irked you. I don't know if tuition has gone up everywhere, but I think the tuition freeze has been...defrosted :(

Anis, you're right, our tuition is nothing compared to other students (thinking of international students as well here). Thanks for the perspective - and I think the 22 cents is basically to make you pull your hair out. Evil people!

Nusaybah said...

Hilarious! Especially "rubbing hands in evil manner" that's something I would definetely say. Sigh, I'm almost 14, Asmaa...isn't that sad? I won't be as silly and I might even close down my blog since it's quite obvious who the popular one is here. You. And that will never change.

Mars said...

Asmaa, that won't solve anything. You'd still have to pay the tuition.

Takers? TSK TSK not on a public blog man!

zingtrial said...

Asalaam-Aleykum wr wb,I liked reading
your blog and find it very interestingThanks for sharing

Ameera said...

I'd suggest levitating a Niffler in through the office window.

Hear him scream the next morning.

I suggested the window because he could be using Alohomora on the office door.

Good luck! ;)

Umar said...

i mean.. whats the damage to your bank account?

-saf- said...

i see more benefits in robbin the bank....*wink*
wow i like your blog...and yeah, especially the title of second last post made my hair stand!

Anonymous said...

I was expecting a proper plan of calculated cruelty, instead all I got was nothing but lameness.

I really thought you were hardcore, this is all so very disappointing. Given this revelation of your true inner self, the International Federation of Bouncy Ball Manufacturers have come up with a new (and more accurate) name that befits you:

'Pink Princess Asmaa'

AP said...

Amatullah: Not to fear, McMaster gives a discount to all of incredibly exotic lineages.

btw, that previous anonymous comment was mine.

Asmaa said...

Nusa, it is kind of sad that you're almost 14. Makes me wonder at the passing of time :S

Mars, it wouldn't solve anything but I'd still feel evilly good.

Zingtrial, you don't need to thank me for sharing. I'd still share it if people hated it. Muwhaha.

Ameera, I had no idea what a Niffler or Alohomora was until I googled it! :D

Umar, $5,225.48

Saf, haha more benefits to robbing a bank than to, say, getting married? Interesting :P

AP, you know, as much and as hard as you try to be a bully, it doesn't work. Pardon me if this plan is lame to you, but as much as I want to get revenge, I also don't want to go to hell :P Pink Princess Asmaa, eh? That's despicable!

Squeeky said...

Assalaamu Alaikum :)

Number Threeeeeee

haha You're too much. But understandable because raising tuition is a pain in the bum. They never think of the little guy :( That, and the GO Bus passes *explodes* I'll try to smuggle some money for you ;) Don't worry muaha

I don't know why but this Simpsons quote came to mind:

Homer: These bills will have to be paid out of your allowance.
Bart: You'll have to raise my allowance to about a thousand dollars a week.
Homer: Then that's what I'll do, smart guy.

Anonymous said...

Salam Asmaa,

I don't have much time to catch up on your blog since i'm writing from an internet cafe filled with a bunch of teeny boppers playing video games... but I just wanted to say that Mariam looked sooo beautiful on her wedding day:)! I'll fill you in on our crazy one day adventure in Alexandria when I return inshallah... keep the dua's coming, miss you guys a great deal... for now take care, from Cairo, fr:)

Al-Hajeji said...

I can solve your problem, just get a blank piece of paper, write in bold "IOU" and hand it over to them. It works with me ALL the time :)
Kheir Inshah'Allah...
Take care.

DXB_Muslim said...

Whoaaaa, it's like when my dad hints at me telling me about the story of Samson and Delilah, Delilah cuts his hair while he's asleep.
Of course he's threatening to cut my hair, which is too long for his taste..

Asmaa said...

Squeeky, walaikum assalaam - well I'd still favour number three if there was no tuition to pay off ;) And ahh yes, the utter wisdom of simpsons, hehe.

fr, thanks for stopping by :D Yes Mar told me all about your little adventures there, I'm really happy that you got to make the wedding, alhamdulillah! See you soon InshaAllah.

Al-Hajeji, hehe that doesn't work in Canada :P

dxb_muslim, let your dad know that he should use my revenge plan and he'll be done with your hair in no time. :D