Thursday, March 12, 2009

Today's Ugliness

I meet new creepy people every day. Today's story goes something like this:

Man: hi.

Me: hi.

Man: madame?

Me: yes?

Man: I'm looking for a Muslim girl for marriage.

Me: no.

Not only did I say no, but I also kind of waved him away with my hand, and had a look of disgust on my face. Rude Asmaa as usual.

As an aside, I wonder if this approach has ever worked for any man in history.


Yusuf Saber said...

...worked for me...

Elizabeth said...

um. *You're* rude? What about him? That is seriously rude.

abdul said...

was he egyptian?

Abdul said...

wait...but he was muslim though right?

mezba said...

at least he was honest.


Asmaa said...

Yusuf, kindly illustrate when and where and with whom this worked. Otherwise I will be inclined to not believe you.

Elizabeth, I agree wholeheartedly. It just struck me as funny because I didn't even flinch before saying no. It was a very desensitized response on my part. I could've at least been a little flulstered.

Abdul, I assume he was Muslim, and no, not Egyptian.

Mezba, so by your standards it would be okay for me to go up to someone and say "you're ugly" and then qualify that by saying "at least I was honest with the person"...seems a little nonsensical to me. Honesty does not equal correctness.

7 years old with attitude says: said...


That is really classic.

Was he shorter than you?? I guess he was? or maybe because he wasn't an Egyptian?

or may be because you know that the chances you will end up getting married to an Egyptian are about 99.9%

Don't worry one day it will turn beautiful, and you will find him right in front of you with a ring in his hand asking you to marry him.

it was not ugly, the man did not know any better. and he found a nice catch right in front of him.

can you blame him??

I would do it differently, I will bring a ring with me and a cheap purple candy from "Dollarrama".

Lyrical Brother said...

7 years old..., I like your approach. However, I think a box of assorted chocolates from Laura Secord would woo someone like Asmaa a little more than the cheap purple candy from Dollarama. Chocolate is definitely the way to a girl's heart. And hey, if the guy is lucky enough to get a second date with her, a nice box of Lindt chocolates in a heart-shaped container wouldn't hurt. I think she would appreciate the fact that the boy wants her to have his heart is more meaningful than "I'm looking for a Muslim girl for marriage". Just a little more meaning, adds some personality to it, you know? I think falling in love with something like a girls height is more special and unique than falling in love with her looks. Any girl can put on some make up and look like a queen, but you can't put makeup on your height, or your personality for that matter. Plus being Egyptian is always a plus...and non-sufi, of course.

abdul said...

i *anxiously* await asmaa's reply to the above two

Asmaa said...

Abdul, how am I even supposed to begin replying to the above comments? I feel like I've opened some kind of pandora's box :S

7 years old sounds...well, 7 years old. And lyrical brother sounds a little too cocky for his own good.

How about we shut this box before it's too late? or is it already too late?

7 years old with attitude says: said...

Of course it is too late Pandora.

You were given the jar, and you were not suppose to open it.

Good luck.

mezba said...

My comment was just a joke. aka Sarcasm.

sara said...

These comments were all very amusing, especially yours, Asmaa.

Don't hate da playa, hate da game said...

I say take in're in demand girl! ;-)

Anonymous said...

your blog sure has attracted some serious weirdos.

Anonymous said...

what approach do you think would work for guy to get a girl?

Yusuf Saber said...

People who think there is an approach or tactic to getting a girl are all single.

If you consider yourself a properly practicing Muslim and you want a properly practicing Muslima as your wife then you should do what she would want. She would want you to respect her as a Muslima. Go to her father. Be a man about it. A lot of people sneak around first and try to fall in love with a girl before they approach the father. SubhanAllah! If you approach the father first, not only will you be respected by her entire family, but Allah will shed blessings upon your journey to her. And hey, if it doesn't work out, there should be no hard feelings. And on the plus side, the respect factor will still be there.

Wallahi you can't go wrong with following Allah's instructions. We may not always understand why He instructs us to do something, He has wisdom that we will never have. And we've been blessed enough to receive instructions from such a being so I say take His wisdom and run with it.

May Allah bless us all. Ameen.

Asmaa said...

Yusuf Saber speaks truth :)

The rest of you anonymous people are giving me a headache.

Anonymous said...

I agree with Yusuf :)

BTW, I am a different Anonymous. However, I feel that sometimes a father might be in a different country or be unreachable. (as is the case with universities students) I think that in this case, it might be better if your biological sister perhaps talks to the girl.

Or if one does not have a sister, then he should ask the girl's friend. She could act like the middle person. It will be still be okay, I think. What do you think Asmaa? About asking her friend and going through the friend?

Anonymous said...

so I get it...instead of asking for her number, you ask for her fathers ;-)

Owl said...

:D Been there.

And sure, this is a good way to do it, because it lets us know straight up that you're not all that particular. Or you don't mind buying a book based on its cover. That works for some, but for those of us who want to be 'picked' for something more, it's a red flag for a clash of interest/personality/mindset. My standard line is "I'm not an 'any girl will do'." So if all you're looking for is female, Muslim and single, then walk on by.

7 years old with attitude says: said...

Brother Yusuf speaks right about a very small part of the "Truth" not the whole truth; matters like these are so big and could be complicated due to the complexity of our societies, It is not that I don’t agree with him, I do, but there is still other parts of that truth needs to recover and assets based on the situations it self, I know right of the bat about 15 scenarios and from different countries and both side situations are different and sometimes difficult but both they wanted to get married in halal to avoid many other harams , even during the prophet time, there was situations were people can’t get married due to social status, money, ethnicity, and so on, a huge part of the “Truth”
It is an old problem goes back to the Prophet Mohamed PBUH; sometimes a father has nothing to do with it, and sometimes father has everything to do with it.

I would say it is really and mostly about the situations of the families and the bride and the groom.

What a father or a mother can do when a new Muslim man with not well established faith as born Muslim man propose to their daughter, or what can a father or a mother do if their son got married to a new Muslim lady and her faith not well established as suppose to a born “muslimah” , and she is the only Muslim in her family, who would you talk to, do they understand the process as we born muslims do, two scenarios , think about them. It could happen to you? You never know. I have seen worse scenarios

Yusuf Saber said...

To Anonymous, Owl, and 7 years...:

There are too many particular situations that can be brought up. Families can live in different countries, the girl's parents might be dead, she might not have a good relationship with them, the father might be a tyrant, she might be getting arranged, or whatever the situation might be.


This isn't even concerning marriage.

Do what Allah says.

Follow His word.

No matter what hits you in life.

Go to the Quran whenever you have a problem like our mother A'isha (rady Allahu 'anha) did.

That's all i'm trying to say.

Follow Allah or be of the losers.

*puts L on his forehead* and says: LOSERRRRRR

Anonymous said...

okay so how do you get a hold of the father then? You can't just approach the girl and say, "hey what's ur dad's number?" that will illicit the same response asmaa gave maybe even compounded with a slap.

I agree with you that parents - not just big old father - need to be involved. I was saying that before you can actually get to that - the part where you are asking the father - it might not hurt to ask her friend and see how things are.

Yusuf Saber said...

I definitely agree with you. But it should be kept to that. This is in the sunnah even when Khadijah (rady Allahu 'anha) was interested in RasulAllah (pbuh), she asked her friend to ask him if he is interested or not and THEN they brought the waliys into the picture.

My point was that once you know the situation is doable, as in the sister (or brother actually, for sisters) is interested in marriage and would consider you from the outside, then stop there and go to the father, don't try to find out more and don't try to get the girl to like you more. Honestly, if the father doesn't approve, then you're both screwed. You can't get married without the father's approval. So why not get that first and then fall in love, right?

Plus this is marriage we're talking about. This, out of all things in life, should start off on the right foot.

7 years old with attitude says: said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Asmaa said...

7 year old, I've deleted your comment. Kindly refrain from commenting further if you're simply going to reveal things about me while keeping your own identity private. That's something I really don't appreciate. Thanks.