Sunday, January 11, 2009

and they lived happily ever after (under the condition of course, that she would agree to everything he said)

I don't usually reveal very personal information on this blog, aside from some bits of crazy every once in a while. But I want to tell you all a story.

Recently I was considering someone for marriage purposes. And from what I could tell, he was a decent sort of person. And by that I mean he was religious, had good sense of humour, and seemed generous. So we talked for a while.

But as the days went on, I started noticing weird things. Every time I would disagree with him about something, he would get offended. At one point, he actually said "I don't like it when you challenge me." And upon further questioning on my part, he revealed that I was like a guy friend of his as opposed to "spouse material." When I asked why, he said I was very straight forward, as I just said things that were on my mind as opposed to being a sweet girl who would accept everything he said at face-value.

Needless to say, it didn't work out.

And I was left wondering why it is that some men are like this. I was/am angry and disappointed that someone could have such disregard for a woman's opinion and feel threatened the fact that she feels comfortable voicing her thoughts. The sad thing is that this isn't the first guy I've encountered like this.

I think it has a lot to do with being an educated female. You can refer to my thoughts on female education here. Are men intimidated by educated females? I just don't get it. I don't think my education makes me better than other people or anything like that. But by far, the worst thing that happens when I come into contact with people like this guy, is that I begin to second-guess myself. I start to wonder if there's something inherently wrong with me that I'm unaware of. I know it sounds a little pathetic that I'm this vulnerable, but it's very easy to fall into that line of thinking.

Is it asking too much to meet a guy who is comfortable enough with himself that he can accept dissenting opinions? Those of you who know me in person know that I don't argue violently or anything of that nature. But I do say it like it is, usually with a touch of sarcasm or humour and in a very laid-back way. But even this is too much apparently.

It's all a little silly if you ask me.


Anonymous said...

don't they say that the ability to hold two differing opinions and consider them both is the sign of a mature mind?

'liya said...

I think men who want a wife who will agree with everything he says will get bored of her very quickly.

You are wondering why some men are like this? It's because their parents raise them to expect women to behave in this way.

Asmaa said...

Adnan, yes. What conclusions can we thus make about the fellow mentioned in the blog post? :)

Liya, you're right. Also, I think men are this way because they have a distorted and warped version of Islam in their minds. One where absolute subservience = good wifely behaviour. Nice.

Malcolm said...

I am a random reader, just passing by many blogs and came across yours here, and just have a little comment on what happened to you as a mature man and a man before I become a mature, I believe what happened is that the man was trying to prove his manhood in the wrong way, and I am not sure what is his level of education or his ethnicity, these are also factors, but I think he felt threaten in a way or another that you are better than him, and that is why he starts to act Randomly.
It is not because their parents raised them to expect women to behave in this way; it is because a lot of men are like that. it is in our DNA and it is also a lack of experience and training.

Thanks, you have a nice blog, will drop by again.
Salam aliakom,