Friday, June 19, 2009

to the girl on the bus who was wearing hooker heels & apparently forgot to wear pants today

1. Do you realize that you look sleazy, not pretty?

2. Did you feel the old man leaning dangerously close to you on the bus in order to sniff your hair?

3. Don't you understand that you attract looks of lust, and not admiration? And most of the men eying you are old and dirty.

4. I feel so sad that you are willingly objectifying yourself.

I feel like posting this on Missed Connections.

15 comments:

8 years old with attitude says said...

Asmaa,

Oh boy,.... please don't be judgmental, maybe the girl don't know any better.

I totally agree with you because we and many people like us happens to know better, I imagine maybe the same girl will post something on her blog about the girl was on the bus wearing a hee-jab and start to blast you on her blog???

I see these type of people everyday on the bus, on the train, from my car's window.

Remember, the other day a white girl in the Old Navy store admire your hee-jab, she maybe know better a little bit... which is good....

feel sorry for them, a lot of them never had parents to raise them like you were raised and grown up.

they were not lucky as you are. just pray that Allah will guide her one day.

zainab said...

asmaa (:
any guesses why she was dressed the way she was? where was this area, btw?

Anonymous said...

The area is 923 Danforth Avenue.

Asmaa said...

8 year old, sometimes you have to be straight forward and not skirt around issues. So yeah, she was dressed slutty - that's a fact, not a judgment. I didn't say she was a bad person; I just want people to stop and think about it, instead of ogling at these girls & being envious about what they "have." There is so little to be envious about.

Zainab :D this was in Parkdale (Queen & Dufferin-ish). She was dressed like this not because she was actually a prostitute - I doubt this very much. Unfortunately, what she was wearing is "in." She is among many who are slaves to the fashion industry, regardless of how provocative and inappropriate the current trends are.

Anon, no it wasn't.

Anonymous said...

"She is among many who are slaves to the fashion industry",

well said!!

Rizwan said...

This is funnier without #4.

It's often difficult to strike a balance between making observations that are honest, meaningful, funny, and at the same time avoid ridiculing others.

I think this post does a pretty decent job.

It's funny how "religious" people often have little to counter such things with besides loathing and disgust. Empathy and compassion, feeling sad for others in a way that wishes they could see the harm they do to their own souls and the souls of others by their actions--this is much harder for religious people to do, it seems.

Oddly enough, I've heard some young women claim to revel in looking "sleazy" (perhaps because they've despaired of being considered pretty). Further, some of these young women might not care to distinguish between lust or admiration--they might consider attention to be attention--regardless of it being positive or negative in substance. Others might also observe that everybody objectifies themselves. Unfortunately, some girls who observe hijab render themselves a voiceless piece of fabric without volition or a thought because of their lack of understanding of what they are doing when they observe hijab and why.

I think we have to do better by our young women and also just accept that many young people--regardless of gender--struggle with vanity, attention seeking, and other unhealthy behaviour--not merely because they are slaves to fashion but because of what being a slave to fashion signifies--that is slavery to other than God who is the only One who has a right to our servitude and by which we are liberated from slavery to man or any other thing.

Anonymous said...

Rizwan: That is a good observation. chill!!

8 years old with attitude says: said...

I am just imaging myself in the same bus looking to a “sultry dressed young woman” and another one who is “oppressed from head to toe” wearing hejabee

I know for facts not opinions why the “sultry dressed young woman”….dressed like that, I also know for a facts not opinions why the “oppressed from head to toe” is dressed like that,

I truly believe that you can’t go straight forwarded with things like that; the two views are more of a science or type engineering if you will,

It needs years to understand it.

“The oppressed from head to toe “to many people in the bus, the train, on the campus will always remain oppressed and beautiful in the eyes of the beholder

“The sultry dressed young woman” to many people in the bus, the train, on the campus will always remain beautiful and oppressed in the eyes of the beholder

Now, who knows what, usually when a person becomes slaves to something, they already know that something so well to a point that they will never reject it, because it can’t be any better than this, so they worship it, it becomes a GOD, and it means a lot to them, it still a false GOD, but it is a GOD to them, they don’t see what you see, and it will remain like that till the day of judgment, then the real GOD will shows.

They just maybe never got the chance to know the real God, so they made one. And sadly to say it serve the purpose but for sometime, and then they will make another God to serve another purpose, and so on etc, ….. .

Holier-than-thou approach doesn’t work, and it never did.

Maybe you should develop another approach instead of going straight forward,

Maybe you need to skirt around it and invite her to a cup of coffee next time you see her in the bus and try to find out what she knows that you don’t know, and maybe tell her more about what you know, that for sure she doesn’t knows.

Anonymous said...

8 years! you sound pissed off man!

Asmaa said...

To all of you who are for some reason annoyed at this post:

1. I'm making general commentary on societal expectations of women & their response/reaction to it, as opposed to singling out a specific person - which I have not done since there is no identifying info about this female.

2. I am not "disgusted" with this person. Rather, I'm disgusted at the system which pushes women in this direction. The system and way of life is so ingrained in women that they begin to view it as their own choice to dress a certain way. But that is definitely NOT the case. I doubt very much that women would dress this way if they were not influenced by men's perception of "beauty." I feel empathy towards the women, and hostility towards the system which is primarily created & fueled by men.

3. Judgemental vs. factual: 8 year old, you need to just chill boy. As human beings, each one of us is judgmental. To deny this and assume that we can become emotionally detached from situations or persons is naive and false.

I believe in my way of life 100%, and thus am in a position to "judge" how others live. I do believe that if one makes his or her god other than Allah, then that person will forever be oppressed. And I'm saying this from a very logical and clear-minded perspective. I'm obviously "tainted" by religiosity in my statements, but aren't we all influenced and affected by certain things?

Society and relationships do take many years to comprehend, but they are NOT like science or engineering. That's an absurd statement. There is so much subjectivity in the former, and much less in the latter.

Judging does not mean treating people with harshness or hostility. Quite the contrary. But the concept is that if you believe to have the best way, wouldn't you naturally "judge" others? To claim otherwise is ludicrous!

So yes, I did judge her - but not for any malicious reasons as you make it out to be. I wish that she and others would think more critically about what they say, wear, and do & the somewhat damaging and absurd things that society dictates for all of us to do.

I don't understand why you seem so annoyed at my post. Nothing bad was meant of it.

The Ruler said...

About #2, old men do that? I always thought that they go for the buttocks. Or that's what most japanese old men in anime do. =_=

yaser said...

i agree with you, asmaa. especially this part of your comment:

"I believe in my way of life 100%, and thus am in a position to "judge" how others live..."

peace

8 years old with attitude says said...

Is that right? I am just wondering about this same System that we all use for granted and allow you for example to go in public in dressed in full and give you even more rights as a Muslim woman than the sultry girl on the bus, it is really not the system, it is the CHOICE, You, her, and I choose what we eat or what to wear and what school to attend and what program to enroll into based on our choices, the system has nothing to do with it, the system more of a media or a buffer if you will help us to with the choices we made or about to make.
That girl you have seen on the bus the other day dressed the way she did, because she choose to dress like that, in that day, in that particular hour, another day she may or may not. Why?? That where you need to find out.


Of course, we all are allowed to judge, it is part of our identity as human, Judging in itself is not bad at all, we need to Judge others, but the question is how to Judge?? Judging is a very crucial social skill the person developed it through the years and tons of experiences in many perspectives, it requires a lot things, one of them is real good education, patience, experience, and finally tons of evidences or proofs. So I am not denying it as you may think I am, I am a judgmental myself, and big time too, but usually I take my time before I judge person or something, it may take years before I lay judge on someone, years, not a bus trip?!!

We all do, I am influenced by Islam as my way of life in many areas, and I am sorry to say this, you or any one else in no position to judge things/people right of the bat, or simply because they worship another God than Allah, because these false Gods with some people it could led them to the true God, “Allah Almighty” I have two cases in my personal life, one of them is just sitting beside me, and at one point in her life she was worshipping the false God, and that same False God led to Allah almighty after a lot of searching and questioning
This is such an arrogant statement, I told you before Holier- than- thou does not work at all, and it never did, and you know why too, because at the same bus a lot of people can Judge you as an oppressed woman and enjoy no rights, because they don’t know what you do know, how this is their fault?? I still don’t know you well, and forgive me for saying such a thing, but this how I feel toward your statment.

8 years old with attitude says said...

Society and relationships do take many years to comprehend, but they are NOT like science or engineering. That's an absurd statement. There is so much subjectivity in the former, and much less in the latter.


I am not sure really what you know about engineering or even science to say that, but for example, let us says that the amount of your years you spent at undergrad school, you were engineered toward certain a profession, so in these 4 or 5 years at school, you are ready to work in that profession because the sciences of that profession been taught to you in the past 5 years, I am not sure how old are you, but whatever age you are , these amount of years, your parent used a lot of parenthood sciences beside other science to engineer you the way you are right now, so we all are engineered in way or another

Judging does not mean treating people with harshness or hostility. Quite the contrary. But the concept is that if you believe to have the best way, wouldn't you naturally "judge" others? To claim otherwise is ludicrous!


Holier- than-thou again, if you believe the best way which is following the Sunnah of the prophet Mohamed (PBUH) as a guide it will teach you not to not talk about others regardless their background, Muslims or not without knowing them, mind you, you judging them, you can only ask Allah to guide them, and at the same time Keep you on the straight path, because a lot of things that we do in our daily live could move us easy from the straight path, so hope you got this equation right, Ask Allah to guide them, and keep you on the straight path because you already been guided, but they are not

So yes, I did judge her - but not for any malicious reasons as you make it out to be. I wish that she and others would think more critically about what they say, wear, and do & the somewhat damaging and absurd things that society dictates for all of us to do.

Not for malicious reasons??!! you were about to post it on craigslist, you already developed the wrong feelings, even if you are not serious about it , you already developed the wrong feelings. don’t wish please, go and help her , do something if you see her in the bus again. And how she and the others would think more critically about what they say, wear, and do if they are not guided and not well educated about Islam and other things will shape their decisions and their lifestyle , don’t wish, do something

I don't understand why you seem so annoyed at my post. Nothing bad was meant of it.


Now, I hope you do.

Asmaa said...

8 year old, I can see that nothing I say will incline you to alter your position, so I will just say this:

a) This post was meant to be light-hearted. I was never going to post it on craigslist. It was just an amusing idea, considering my previous post about how silly "Missed Connections" on craigslist is. It's called irony.

b) System vs. individual choice: wow. You're going to say that the system has NO effects on the choices individuals make? If you actually stand by that assertion, I can't even begin to attempt correcting you. All I need to say is that you're wrong.

c) people judge me based on the fact that they truly believe I am wrong for dressing a certain way. If this is so, all power to them; they have the right to think what they please. The difference is, I have proof and facts on my side. So I'm not afraid of people judging me.

Don't you think I'm aware that there are people who look at me in disgust? I'm the one who gets called obscenities and treated rudely for what I believe. Have you ever been treated that way? So please, don't tell me how damaging "judging others" is; being a male, I doubt you have the same first-hand experience as I do in this category.

d) Feel free to judge me as being arrogant and mean. Although I meant no harm, it's your prerogative to do so.

I'm not in any mood to accept more comments from you or others on this matter. Comments are henceforth closed.