Monday, June 01, 2009

Stalker Heaven

So I'm sure that most of you are acquainted with Craigslist. Now, I was looking at Craigslist because I had to put up an event posting for my supervisor. And I happened upon a section called "Missed Connections."

I have to be honest, I sat and read this for almost an hour. I was appalled at the ludicrousness (is that a word?) of the people who post in this section. Here's a little sample for those of you who are too lazy to click on the link:

My friend and I were walking in and about Kensington yesterday. We saw you on a side street at about four, with an adorable spotted dog named Boo. We pet your dog, commented on how cute she is, and then chickened out from telling you how cute you are. We walked away and realized we were stupid for not inviting you to join us. But when we looked back, you were getting into a car with your dog.

You have blonde hair and blue eyes. If you are single, then message me! We both liked you.
I was the tall Caucasian guy with dark hair near the entrance yesterday. I wanted to tell you how hot you were, but just kept walking...
you walked into the elevator as I was stepping out. I was stunned enough to let you in before exiting. you looked gorgeous ..too bad I let the door close on me..would've liked to say hi atleast :P
And the absolute cream of the crop:
You: Around 12:30ish AMm Friday nite, were with 2 girlfriends; you wear wearing white-capri pants; you had shoulder length straight-brown hair, and you totally looked like that actress chick!

Me: I was there by myself, but chatting away with dude at the cashier; navy blue pants, blue-ish pinstripe dress shirt, navy blue blazer; olive complexion handsome Indian dude.

Us: We kept exchanging distant stares, glares, and smiles. ;-)

I hope you see this, if not, oh well, it's worth a shot anyways. I would've broken my shyness and spoken to you, but you know how it is with these thing... (PS - In order to keep the unsolicited creeps from e-mailing me, if you are indeed the right person, do describe to me your two girl friends, because this way, only you & I would know this information correctly, LOL).
I really don't have much to say...I mean, who wouldn't find this creepy? Someone catches your eye for a moment, and instead of a) striking up a conversation like a normal person, or b) leaving them the hell alone, you post personal details about them on a random website in hopes that they will magically see it, respond, become your internet chat friend, and finally marry you.

I want to punch these people in their faces.


Abū Ilyās said...

They should make them more accurate:

"Hey, do you remember me?

I was that sweaty looking guy, with the facial twitch and the grubby long overcoat.

You were waiting for a bus and I brushed past you real close making you feel uneasy and tighten your grip on the mace in your handbag.

I kept the Snickers bar wrapper that you disguarded and now have it pinned on my noticeboard next to your Starbucks coffee till receipt that I fished out the trash last week.

If you want to get more serious just wear those same black shoes that you wore on Tuesday and Thursday last week and I'll take that as a yes.

I have all your travel times noted in my diary (next to my notes on how I thought you smelt each day) so I'll spot your sign of agreement soon enough.

We can have a lovely life together, although we may have to be selective where we live as my name is on a federal database as a predator and my electronic ankle bracelet restricts my movements after dark.

Anyway, I'm waiting...

And, please! Don't make me get angry like the last ONE did!"

Asmaa said...

Abu Ilyas, hah! I think you should actually post that up and see what responses you get.

'liya said...

Haha Abu Ilyas' comment made me laugh :D

How weird...but a little sweet, in in a scary, pathetic yet innocent way :S

Nauman said...

Hehe, funny stuff, yet sad... because at the end of the day, people have nothing else to go by than just a memory of a missed opportunity.

I could see a movie one day being made out of this...

Asmaa said...

A movie? Well...I guess since quality movies are really non-existent these days, I could see a movie coming out of this rubbish, too.

7 years old with attitude(s) says said...

You want to watch some good movies...

go and download these two movies...

I just watched them and hope you will like them inshaa Allah

Flash Of Genius and Passchendaele

you will like the latter a lot, it may relate to some of the issues you maybe experience.

these are two amazing movies... have fun

have a good week.

bir said...

LoL. I lost it at olive complexion. U know an indian is genuine is if he claims to have olive complexion.