Mercy

I was in the mosque today and we were praying isha, shoulder to shoulder, foot to foot. There was a little girl - about a year old or so - crying, far away from her mother. She had one of those cries that is really heartwrenching, that really makes you want to pick up the child yourself. Then something happened which got me thinking. I saw the mother put her hand out while she was praying - a very simple gesture - calling her child to come. So, the child, without thinking, went to her. Her mom picked her up and she immediately stopped crying. It was...Subhan'Allah. It got me thinking about mercy; a parent's mercy towards his or her child, a child's comfort in the arms of her mother - when nothing and no one else could provide that comfort. Allah (Subhanahu wa Ta'ala) has made all of this possible through His utlimate Mercy. It got me thinking how I've been such a fool for my entire life. I've blinded myself to so many of Allah's signs and have rarely, if ever, made an effort to improve myself. I've said so many words that I can't take back. I want to change more than anything, but feel as though I haven't the bravery of some, nor the intellect of others to guide me through it all. In recent days I've been seeing myself on the day of judgement, and I imagine all of my sins as mountains, preventing me from entering Jannah. And I can see it with an unprecedented clarity, my hands are black, my face is darkened. I am so afraid.